Hello out there. It’s a grim grey day outside, a strange motivation to write something.
Although it’s hard to remember details, since I last wrote my moods have been hovering about the mediocre. But one thing’s for sure, I’ve definitely been angry. Anything can set me off. One of the dogs deciding he’s going out the door first. My husband asking too many questions. The cuckoo clock. I go into a rage inside my head, I have to get out of the room, do something different, go out for a stomp of a walk. Sometimes that’s all that’s needed to clear my fury and other times I’ll seethe for the rest of the afternoon, especially if there’s been a series of irritations. Then there’s no way out apart from drink wine and go to bed.
I signed up to an art class a couple of weeks back. We meet every Friday; I hoped it would give me, um, a sense of calm or inspiration? But the very fact of having to regularly be somewhere almost cancels out the positive effect. I have to keep in mind getting out the house and mixing with different people will do me good. I think. Do you think it’s better to force yourself out rather than stay in the house? Mix with people even if you’re feeling withdrawn?
On a more positive note, the herbal tablets I’m taking seem to work. No side effects, big lows or blankness, just 2 tablets of happy serotonin every day. The anger will have to be dealt with some other way...
Here in Tokyo the weather was very dark and rainy today, and it is still raining hard at 11pm. But strangely enough, this actually makes a nice change from what has been an extremely hot and blinding summer. Autumn here is generally nice and mild.
ReplyDeleteAbout your situation, we are all different and things that work for some might not work for others. Being with people can help. Working on things we find meaningful is good. Medication and therapy can be useful too.
But there seems to be a lot of indications that exercise is probably the best thing for dealing with depression. In my case it definitely helps a lot, going running three times a week does wonders for mitigating my depression and anxiety. Other people go to the gym, do yoga, ride bikes, or take a walk. But getting the body moving on a regular basis helps.
Not sure the weather makes things worse or not; but if you're clinically depressed, then even sunshine won't always lift your spirits for long enough - if that's any consolation.
ReplyDeleteYou ask about company. Well, for what it's worth, I suspect you might be better off alone or simply with spouse. The question to ask yourself in these circs is along the lines of 'even when enjoying it, do I end up find other people's company a bit draining?' If the answer's 'yes', then you're probably better left to deal with that ghastly hound in your own time/way. I have often found other people - however lovely & kind - can (and do!) make things worse.
As TDR says, we're all different - so the idea is to experiment + find things that work for YOU! I know how hard it is, as have been battling with bouts of severe depression for over a decade, kicking off with a series of life events from the more practical of which I can never recover (too old + now too poor). I try desperately hard to seek out the light; but I agree it's not always possible. Perhaps at such times, best to simply sigh and wait for it to pass, as it does ... eventually.
Bon courage!
Yes I think you're both right, you've got to find your own way forward no matter how frustratingly slow it may be. It sometimes seems that each low is different to the last and I've no idea how to get through. What worked last time may not work this time.....
ReplyDeleteI've not been able to write anything on the blog for months and I've only just worked out why. Writing makes me face the fact that I am depressed. By not writing, I can hide, I don't have to 'admit' anything.
Ah.....keep smiling through!
Writing is supposed to be cathartic, and it can help sometimes. The internet is not short of depression blogs, and there are a lot of books about it too. I write my blog once a week, and while it is good for me, it is painful as well. It is not easy writing about these things, and maybe it is not even beneficial for some people, I don't know.
ReplyDeleteAll I know is what is true for me, which is that expressing some of the frustration and negativity that I feel on a weekly basis, painful as it can be, helps me deal with live and keep moving forward, ever so slowly.